i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
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Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
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I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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