Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
how does that bad decision feel?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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