you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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