Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
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I just got carded by a ten year old.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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