Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
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