why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
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I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
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He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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