Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize