So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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