Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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