Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize