do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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