Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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