sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
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I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
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i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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