Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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