Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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