She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize