forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
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I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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