even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Are we still banned from the library?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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