Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
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Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
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He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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