Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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