How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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