He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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