I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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