She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gargled with NyQuil
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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