the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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