Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize