you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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