Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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