i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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