just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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