Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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