I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's just like the Real World with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize