Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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