Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
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That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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