No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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