so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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