Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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