broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
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I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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