I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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