My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize