went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
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Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
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That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I still have a little drunk in my system
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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