3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize