I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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