About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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