so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
tell me about the fingering
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize