I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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