Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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