dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
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