she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
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You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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