i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
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He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
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You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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